Unbridled 000

I don’t know if I want to be effortless. There’s a certain chic that comes with it—a je ne sais qoui. But I don’t think that’s me.

Since I’ve moved to New York, it feels like I’ve straddled one foot into that world, into old money, and the other foot back with what I have been. And what have I been? I’m not even sure. But I know damn well it’s not effortless. Whatever I’ve done, whomever I’ve been, it’s been a lot of work. A lot of effort.

To create is to risk criticism. Shit, it’s guaranteed these days. But to us who create: are we hardened by the criticism or hardened to accept the criticism? And who is even criticizing us? Is it just our anxiety? Our fear of being judged? Of being perceived?

I’ve had attempt after attempt at getting back into the “content game” so to speak. And each with its fair share of initial excitement to be followed up with a dying down. I both know and don’t know what I’m missing. Accountability. Budget. Team.

But I think it boils down to purpose. And fit. Am I creating something to make money from it? Or is it an art project with no monetary goal? Is it a project driven by my passion or interest? Or do I have an attributable bag to gain from it. Sometimes it’s both. Sometimes I ask myself, “Why don’t you just commit to something for 30 days straight? Just create the habit of pressing publish.”

I think it’s because I’m perpetually burnt out. Or maybe that’s just what I tell myself. I don’t know what the cure to laziness is. And as much as I can postulate night after night, the answer still doesn’t reveal itself. Postulating doesn’t pay the bills.

At the end of the day, I can’t feel sorry for myself. I’m the one who got myself into this mess, I have to crawl my way out.

I’ve often told kids I mentor that in order to change your life trajectory, in order to accomplish your goals, you have to become the person who lives that life. If you want to be a wrestling state champ, you have to become the kid who has a state championship. If you want to be a successful business-person, you have to become them. What I really mean by that is you have to embody who they are to a fundamental level. Their habits, their convictions, their actions, etc.

If you want your jersey in the rafters, you have to perform like your jersey’s in the rafters. And if you’re not there yet, then you have to put the goddamn work in until you are.

Maybe it’s time I take my own advice.

Editor’s Note: I don’t know what will become of this newsletter. But I don’t care about it. Not in the traditional sense. More like, I don’t care to follow best practices here. I’ll post, I won’t. I’ll interview, I won’t. I’ll muse in and out of inspiration as I please. I’ll have minimal editing as well.